Oh Kerrang, Oh Kerrang.

I remember the days I always used to buy Kerrang. Long journeys with my Mum would result in me begging her to buy a copy for me at the Esso on the A12/M25 London interchange. I remember when I'd come out of hospital, I wrote her a list of what to get me whilst I was lying comatosed in my bed, Kerrang was top of that list, followed closely by Beano and Spurs magazine. As she popped over the road to the local post office, I put on the CD that I'd got from the week before. Dexter Holland's mix-CD. Holy shit I thought. This was fucking ACE. I still have it today, and there are still some real gems on that sampler. Black Flag, The Misfits, Minor Threat, the list goes on...

Now, this is by no means a rip on Kerrang. Well, actually, it is. That was a lie. But I mean, a magazine's got to do all it can to sell units, and that's fair enough. But the thing that that hacks me off is that Kerrang used to have credibility. Now it just relies on fifteen year olds on Myspace for opinions. It now compares any band with a vaguely hardcore riff to Gallows; including the band Maths. Excuse me Kerrang, but even my dementia-ridden Greek grandmother could pull out a better comparison. Do your research. That's what you're paid for. I even laughed when the called Your Demise a 'Champion wannabe' band. HAVE YOU ACTUALLY HEARD CHAMPION YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOTS. Or did you quickly gloss over their influence list on MYSPACE and insert whichever one would sound funnier? What are you going to do next? Compare Bring Me The Horizon to Metallica?

This is the final straw YOU FUCKING MORONS. Next time I see a kid in skinny jeans, a black and red striped jumper buying a copy of Kerrang with Against Me on the front cover with the subititle "SAVIOURS OF PUNK ROCK" "BETTER THAN THE CLASH WERE" "BEST BAND IN THE WORLD" "BETTER THAN REFUSED" "EVEN JESUS LIKES THIS BAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" or whatever TOTAL FUCKING GARBAGE you come out with, I'm going to fucking grab their head, smash it on the fucking counter, carve "TASTELESS FUCK" into his forehead with a HB pencil, and fucking post him to you in pieces. You're the worst thing about music in this country, and I can get better journalism from the DAILY FUCKING MAIL'S 'LETTERS' SECTION. PRICKS.